How to get rid of Fullmetal Alchemist characters?
by I'm hooked on anime crack
Summary: These short stories or if you can even call them that will tell you ways of getting rid of a certain character.
1. Edward Elric

How to get rid of Edward Elric in a few easy steps.

This will take a bit of stamina and strength to do this step. Go outside, and then dig a very deep hole deep enough where the little shrimp can't get out.

Pull some cows out of your ass and milk them, and put the milk in the hole. This will take a while elevator music there done.

After putting the cows back in your ass, get a camouflage cover for the hole. I don't really want to know where your pulling that out of, cause the cows are already occupying your ass.

Then after putting the cover on the hole, go and find the little shrimp.

Once your in front of Edward say the following:

Person: " Hey Edward you know your as small as a dust mite".

Edward: "Who are you saying is so small that you need a magnifying glass to see"?

Now that you have him mad high tail it out of there. But remember since your much taller that him you can run faster, so make sure you get on the other side of the hole.

Now that you're on the other side of the hole just wait for the little shrimp to run towards you. When he does he'll fall into the hole.

Edward: "MILK… NOOOOOOOO… milk is like my kryptonite, you bastard!

Person: +laughs+** "**I defeated the shrimp" reveals who he is.

Edward: Roy you bastard +drowns with his fist in the air waving+.


	2. Alphonse Elric

How to get rid of Alphonse Elric in a few easy steps.

First you have to find a genetically altered kitten because you can't use a real kitten that's just cruel.

Then find a kitten preferably a large one.

Get Alphonse's attention while he is coming towards you, put the genetically altered kitten into the canon.

Light the fucking thing, when the kitten goes flying Alphonse will run towards it crying.

Watch as the kitten flies through the air and Alphonse is only paying attention to the kitten. He starts to run towards the kitten, and he doesn't see the tree in front of him then smashing into it.

The kitten lands on the ground safely. +subliminal message+ NO ANIMALS WHERE HARMED IN THE MAKING OF THIS STORY, THANK YOU SO ALL YOU FUCKING ANIMAL ACTAVIST GET OFF MY FUCKING BACK.


	3. Jean Havoc

How to get rid of Jean Havoc in a few easy steps.

At night sneak into Havoc's sleeping quarters, and take the flint out of his lighter.

The next day sit and watch Jean Havoc trying to light his cigarette.

Havoc: "Why won't this stupid lighter light, damn it I need my hit of nicotine, someone go get Mustang"

After you are done watching Havoc spaz and finished laughing. Go find Roy Mustang and tell him "Colonel, Havoc needs to speak with you sir"+ point in the direction+

Walk outside to get a good view without getting hurt, and peek through the window. This is what will happen:

Colonel: "You said you wanted to see me".

Havoc: "Colonel thank god you're here please light my cigarette, I need my hit of nicotine" +Havoc grabs onto Roy's leg+

Colonel: "Fine just get off" + Roy tries to shake him off+

But if you remember correctly Havoc tried lighting his lighter so many times putting the fuel into the air.

The colonel snaps his fingers and the flames reacted to the fuel and blows up Havoc+

Anyone want a crispy Havoc.

Roy exits the room unscaved, and runs quickly away so to not be caught+


	4. Winry Rockbell

How to get rid of Winry Rockbell in a few easy steps.

First of all you need to sneak into her house, and not be caught by them or Den.

Find her favorite tool which is the wrench, pocket it and replace it with a rubber wrench. (It looks the same and weighs the same).

Get out of the house and quick and quite to not get noticed.

Peek in thru the window, and watch what unfolds.

Winry will walk into her shop looking for her wrench, and start to work on some auto mail. She tries to use the fake wrench, but it only squeaks when she turns it.

Winry: "What the hell, where's my real wrench"

She runs through her whole shop throwing the tools and junk into a pile, searching for her favorite wrench.

Winry: "Where the hell is it, once I find out who took it I will kill them".

She turns around thinking she found her wrench, but it's at the bottom of the pile. She pulls it out not thinking what will fall on her, only thinking of her wrench. The pile starts to shake, then wobble, and finally falling and crushing Winry like a pancake.


	5. Sciezka

How to get rid of Sciezka in a few easy steps.

You really don't have to sabotage anything Sciezka will get rid of herself with her books. Just watch it play out like this:

Sciezka: "I'm running out of room for my books". +Stares everywhere to see mountains and mountains of books+

Person: "Excuse me, can you help me find a book?"

Sciezka: " Ok, let's see this is good" +She keeps looking+

Sciezka finds a book, but once she turns around the person pushes the mountains of books over Sciezka and smashes her flat.

Person: "That does sound like an interesting book, thank you".

The person walks away before people come from hearing the noise.


	6. Falmon

How to get rid of Falmon in a few easy steps.

First of all go into Falmons office find his desk, mess it up, throw papers, and hide things. Do anything to mess things up, because he is a total neat freak.

Take a very sharp needle and set it up so that when he sits down the needle goes in his ass.

Get out of there, just as quietly as when you came in.

The next day when Falmon walks into the office and sees his desk, it will probably go like this.

Falmon: "What the hell happened here, my neat desk it's destroyed. MY order, neatness, everything is messed up". +Falmon having a panic attack+

Falmon will walk over to his desk and sit in the booby-trapped chair. Once he sits he will scream as loud as a crying baby.

Falmon will rob his ass to try and make the pain go away. Then sigh and like a tornado Falmon will spaz out to fix everything to perfect little order.


	7. Breada

How to get rid of Breada in a few easy steps.

First of all you have to find tons of dogs. (Breada hates dogs)

While Breada is at work sneak the dogs into his sleeping quarters, and make sure to stay quite.

Draw a transmutation circle on the door and the wall so when the door shuts it seals it up.

After work Breada will come home. Stay desecrate and peek through the window on the fire escape.

Breada goes in shuts his door, the door seals shut. Then this is how it will go:

Breada: +Screams like a little school girl+

Dogs: +Barking+

The dogs all run and jump on Breada slobbering all over him. So much that this is a nasty way of dying, Breada keels over from drowning in dog spit.

The next day the obituaries came out showing a picture of Breada and the dogs, the paper states "DEATH BY DOGS, A terrible way to go"


	8. Alex Louis Armstrong

How to get rid of Alex Louis Armstrong in a few easy steps.

We all know that Armstrong is strong but he is very weak if it comes to his sparkles+

Is make sure you can use alchemy.

Find Armstrong and talk to him so that he gets so excited he takes off his shirt and exposes his sparkles.

While he is rambling about his family heritage, use your alchemy to make a flamethrower.

Now that Armstrong is in shock, use the flamethrower to burn his sparkles. Once they are burned it will probably go like this:

Armstrong: "My sparkles, no my sparkles they where my only friend. + He grabs the burnt sparkles, and throws them in the air. Thinking they would go back, but they only fall to the ground+

Person: + Thinking… I finally destroyed those hideous sparkles+

Armstrong is on the ground rubbing the dust particles of the sparkles on his face+

Then you use your alchemy one more time to create a high powered fan. Turn the fan on then blow the rest of the sparkles away.

Armstrong: "NOOOOOO, my friends I'll join you. +And he runs after them+

While you stand there looking at how much of an idiot Armstrong is, then you flex like you have the muscles, and sparkles appear "YEAH"


	9. Roy Mustang

How to get rid of Roy Mustang in a few easy steps.

All you really have to do is sit back and relax, because Roy will destroy himself.

Roy is in his office with mountains of paper work, and of course he doesn't do any of it. +Just pop a squat in the corner and watch+

Roy falls asleep in his chair and you can hear him, because he talks in his sleep. By what he is saying you can tell he's dreaming about girls, because he's doing the kissy face, and part of his pant's are bulging up.

Once he wakes up, for some odd reason he gets into a craze of cleaning windows. After a while has passed, he looks over at his desk seeing the mountains and mountains of paper work. +He sighs+

While he is frantically sighing the paper work he's bitching with a very big sailors tongue. His hand starts to cramp up, sweat is pouring down his face. He's on his very last paper and he passes out from exhaustion. You can see spirals in his eyes, he was so close.

He is such a slacker, just like most of us+


	10. Riza Hawkeye

How to get rid of Riza Hawkeye in a few easy steps.

First you have to sneak into her house without getting caught by her or black hayate.

Once you are in you have to go over to her gun. And replace the real one with a fake gun, but make sure it ways and looks the same.

Then when you are done get out of there and fast.

Then the next day while Riza is in the gun range, get behind something and not get caught.

Riza will load her gun, and get ready to shot the target. But when she goes to shot and pulls the trigger, a flag will come out and read BANG! Her face gets red as a cherry and it looks like steam is coming out of her ears. She looks like she is going to explode, then she grabs everyone that is in the gun range and begins to yell at them. "Where is my real gun."

Then she went out of control grabbing everyone and interrogating them to see what had happened to her gun+

5. Then before Riza gets you get the HELL out of there. +Run for you lives, She going to get us+


	11. Russell Tringham

How to get rid of Russell Tringham in a few easy steps.

Go to the nearest bookstore and see if Russell's favorite book is on sale. Then you pay the cashier a bribe to hide all of the books that were on the shelf.

Then you go to where Russell is and tell him that is favorite book is on sale, and his closest bookstore.

You follow him to the bookstore and peek through the window, while he asks the cashier why there's no more copy of his books on the shelf.

Once the cashier tells him that there are no more copies of that particular book. This is what will happen:

Russell: "NOOOOOOOOOOOO" +He falls onto his knees with his head in his hands sobbing like a little baby+

Cashier: "Excuse me sir you need to leave, your making a scene" + He points to the door+

Russell is still crying but now he's in the fetal position rocking back and forth+

Cashier: "Sir if you don't get up I'm going to call security" +The cashier walks behind the desk and pushes a big red button+

Then a few moments later two big guys in big black suites, picked up Russell and they hurled him out of the door+

Person: "Russell what happened why did they throw you out?"

Russell: "They were out of my book, and there was no copies left"

Russell gets on his knees and raises his fist to the air and says, "I will seek revenge on the companies that don't make a lot of copies of books"

Person: +Walks away slowly, then turns around and runs away+


	12. Denny Bloch

How to get rid of Denny Bloch in a few easy steps.

Pay off a hot guy to flirt with Maria Ross. Then sit back and watch what happens.

Denny will go in front of Maria Ross being all shy like, and try's to ask her out.

The hot guy walks near them flirting with Maria along the way. Maria is so fixated with him she doesn't hear Denny ask her out. Maria will walk pass Denny to the other guy, flirt with him, and leave with him leaving Denny all alone.

Denny is all sad from being ignored by Maria when he finally got up the guts to ask her out. He walks away all sad like, but if he was a dog his tail would be in between his legs as he walks.


	13. Fletcher Tringham

How to get rid of Fletcher Tringham in a few easy steps.

First you have to sneak into his house, and steal his most prized possession, which is his hat. Once you have his hat get out of there before he wakes up.

Then once you are outside stay hidden but keep looking into the window to see what unfolds.

Once morning comes watch as Fletcher will do the following:

Fletcher will wake up reaching for his hat on his nightstand but to his dismay the hat wasn't there+

Fletcher: "Brother, brother wake up" + as he is shaking Russell to the point that his brain is rattling in his head+

Russell: "What is it Fletcher".

Fletcher: "MY hat it's missing".

Russell: "Isn't it always on your nightstand when you wake up".

Fletcher: "Yes but when I woke up it wasn't there anymore".

Russell: "Come on will look for it, but if we can't find it we will look for a replacement". +Fletcher's eyes started to tear up+

They both are fanatically looking for his hat this will take some time + Polka music, "NOOOO anything but polka music+

Russell: "We have looked through the whole room, the hat is no were to be found".

Fletcher: +Starts to cry+ "But I love that hat it's like my best friend".

Russell: "I know but what can you do guess we have to find a replacement".

Russell pushes down his brother making him sit, then starts to scan the room for a replacement hat+

Russell: "Here try this" +Puts a potted plant onto Fletchers head+

Fletcher: "No that wont work" + He began to cry even more now+

Then Russell puts a kitten onto Fletchers head. But out of nowhere Alphonse runs into the room takes the kitten, then runs away yelling "My kitten, MINE".

Russell tries a few more replacements but none of them worked+

Fletcher: "I want my hat " + now the water works are really pouring out+

Russell: "Quit crying, you're filling the room up with water" + Russell swims over to Fletcher+

Fletcher all of a sudden stops crying and finds a replacements hat in the distance. He swims toward it, then puts it onto his head+

Fletcher: "Brother how does it look?"

Russell: + IS shocked+ "You know that your wearing underwear on your head".

+ Fletcher shakes his head yes+

Russell: "Thank god there clean, they are clean right?"

Fletcher shakes his head no+

Fletcher: " The only way it will stand up if they're crusty".

Person: +Laughs softly, puts on the hat and runs away+


	14. Envy

How to get rid of Envy if he was human in a few easy steps.

I thought this up because Envy's hair reminds me of a palm tree+

For some odd reason Envy is in a town with palm trees, and for some even weirder reason he's flirting with the palm tree. All you have to do is hide and listen.

Envy: "So your shy are you, I can change that then rubs the palm tree.

Palm tree: + a coconut falls onto Envy's head+

Envy: "Owwww " + Then rubs his head+ "I guess you don't like that, what do you like tell me and I'll do it".

Palm tree: + another coconut falls on Envy+

Envy: "owwww" +Rubs his head again+ "I guess your not into me, like I want to be in you".

Palm tree: +Five coconuts fall on Envy's head+

Envy: "owww so you want to play rough do yeah" +Envy runs a little ways away and runs full speed into the palm tree knocking it over+

Palm tree falls with a loud thunk+

Envy: "Now that you're helpless and can't hot me with anymore coconuts, I'll take advantage of you." + Envy jumps on top of the palm tree rubbing it all over+

Person: "ewwww this is gross, I'm going to throw up" + Runs away holding a hand over her mouth+


	15. Gluttony

How to get rid of Gluttony if he was human in a few easy steps.

Put up a long ass table, and put tons and tons of food on it. Get your pork chop suit ready, and go find Gluttony.

Dress up like a pork chop, and prance in front of Gluttony. His mouth will start to water, and run after you. Once he starts to run get the hell out of there as soon as possible.

Run past the table and get behind the corner of the alley. And wait for the fat ass Gluttony to show up.

Once he shows up he will be so fixated on the massive amount of food, and forget all about you. He will eat all of the food, and fall over backwards because he was actually full, for the first time ever.

Get out of the pork chop suit, and walk over to Gluttony. When you see him his mouth will be wide-open, eyes in the shape of an x, and he's fast asleep.

Run away before he wakes up and wants to eat you.


	16. Maes Hughes

How to get rid of Maes Hughes in a few easy steps.

First sneak into his house and take all of the film out of his camera, and camcorders. Then get out of there before your caught.

Then the next day Elysia will be in the yard doing something cute, you will be hidden in a tree seeing everything unfold, and Hughes will come out with his camera and camcorder taking pictures of Elysia.

After Hughes got the film developed or so he thought, the picture guy tells him that there was no film in the camera. While he was saying this your outside the building watching. Hughes will fall to his knees crying, "Noooo, my beautiful daughter's pictures, noooo she was doing something so cute too."

After security throws Hughes out of the building follow him home, but stay outside, and watch him open up the camcorder to see no film in it.

This will happen:

Hughes: +cries+ "Noooo, how could this happen I always keep film in the camcorder, what happened?" +Raises his fist in the air+ "Damn you who ever did this".

Falls onto his knees crying that hids daughters special moment wasn't taped.


	17. Maria Ross

How to get rid of Maria Ross in a few easy steps.

First find a really hot guy and woman tell them your plan, and then pay them off. Plan is: The guy hits on Maria, and then see's the other woman and leaves Maria.

Sit back and watch, as it will play out according to your plan.

The hot man will see Maria Ross and hit on her saying she's the most beautiful woman he has even seen, and so on with the mushy stuff. Maria will blush and be so happy that a hot guy likes her. This will take a while to get Maria swooning for the man + Plays hard rock music "To loud, to loud going deaf"+

Now that Maria is in love with the man, the hot woman will walk pass him, flirting with him as she goes by. The man will forget about Maria and walk past her to the other woman, putting the moves on her now.

Maria will be sad that she got dumped so early + Thinking+ "Why would he dump me, for a blonde bimbo" her emotions are going out of control, she starts crying, and runs away.


End file.
